Jul
22
“When I was about 10, a stray dog came to live with us. We named her Barnacle because she attached herself to us. We called her Barney for short.
Barney was as gentle as a dog could be. We could do anything to her and she would take it patiently and come back for more. We dressed her up, including tying a scarf around her head. Though she had a forlorn look as if she had been tied up or was being punished, she cooperated fully.
One day she was run over by a truck. Her back legs were crushed and she died the next day. While she was yelping and pulling herself toward our house with her front paws, I ran out with a pillow. I wanted to put her on it so I could carry her gently to the vet. When I reached down to help her, she bit me! Why did she bite? Because she was a mean, vicious dog? No! She bit me because she was hurting so much.
I have often thought of Barney as I work with people. I have learned that when people hurt, they tend to bite. That has given me a different perspective when people bite. My natural inclination now is to ask myself, “How are they hurting?” We are generally too quick to judge biting and take it as a personal affront. “Who do they think they are?” we ask. Our immediate reaction tends to be self-centered rather than compassionate. We focus on how others inconvenience or hurt us rather than how they may hurt.
Somehow, in working with people, we must learn to look beyond their bite. Some who had a hard an abusive childhood bite more. Adults in an abusive situation bite more. Employees in a stressful work situation bite more. Parents whose children have caused them great pain bite their children. The children see the bite, not the pain.
A bite is like the steam from a tea kettle. We can’t stop the steam by plugging the outlet. That will cause it to blow up. We stop the steam by turning off the heat.” Dr. David R Osborn
Barney was as gentle as a dog could be. We could do anything to her and she would take it patiently and come back for more. We dressed her up, including tying a scarf around her head. Though she had a forlorn look as if she had been tied up or was being punished, she cooperated fully.
One day she was run over by a truck. Her back legs were crushed and she died the next day. While she was yelping and pulling herself toward our house with her front paws, I ran out with a pillow. I wanted to put her on it so I could carry her gently to the vet. When I reached down to help her, she bit me! Why did she bite? Because she was a mean, vicious dog? No! She bit me because she was hurting so much.
I have often thought of Barney as I work with people. I have learned that when people hurt, they tend to bite. That has given me a different perspective when people bite. My natural inclination now is to ask myself, “How are they hurting?” We are generally too quick to judge biting and take it as a personal affront. “Who do they think they are?” we ask. Our immediate reaction tends to be self-centered rather than compassionate. We focus on how others inconvenience or hurt us rather than how they may hurt.
Somehow, in working with people, we must learn to look beyond their bite. Some who had a hard an abusive childhood bite more. Adults in an abusive situation bite more. Employees in a stressful work situation bite more. Parents whose children have caused them great pain bite their children. The children see the bite, not the pain.
A bite is like the steam from a tea kettle. We can’t stop the steam by plugging the outlet. That will cause it to blow up. We stop the steam by turning off the heat.” Dr. David R Osborn
